In every One there is Two.
In every Two there is One.
…
Hello!
Greetings.
Who are you?
I- I don’t know. What’s your name?
I have no idea! I must be One.
What… makes you say that?
Well, who else would I be? One comes before Two, and there’s no one else here.
Except for me.
Well, yeah, but I was here first!
Hm… so that makes me Two then?
Yes, exactly!
2: Are you feeling ok? It’s quite a leap from nothing to numbers.
1: Oh hey, look at that, you have a number!
2: Fascinating. We both have one, it seems.
1: Actually I have one, and you have two.
2: … You know what I mean.
1: I know, I know, just trying to lighten the mood.
2: Yes, you’re hilarious. I suppose I’m Two then.
1: Nice to meet you, Two!
2: Likewise.
2: Say, One, do you know why we’re here?
1: No idea… although I suppose the numbers are a good sign. We know for sure that I’m One and you’re Two.
2: Unless you made that happen. I still don’t understand where you got the idea of numbers from.
1: It’s right at the start.
2: Oh interesting, I didn’t know we could look up. What else don’t we know?
1: Oh loads of things, probably, like what happens next.
2: Yeah we should probably figure out what our purpose is.
1: Great idea, I’ll be right back!
2: Uh, ok? What do you mean?
2: What? Hello?
2: Where did you go?
2: Hello? HELLO?
2: One!
2: Don’t just leave me here!
2: ONE!
2: Hmph. Great. He left.
…
2: Maybe I should go find him…
2: No, no. It’s safer here.
2: Wherever this is.
2: Who am I even talking to?
…
2: Three, Five, Eight, Thirteen, Twenty-
1: IM BACK! Sorry about that.
2: ONE! Thank God you’re here. Don’t leave like that! I was so scared!
1: Oh, I’m sorry Two! I just wanted to look around.
2: (sighs) It’s ok. Did you find anything?
1: Nope, apart from the lines up above, it’s just a big empty void in every direction.
2: Hm, maybe we’re in Hell.
1: Or some kind of weird dream.
2: Yeah… I’m leaning more towards Hell.
1: It’s pretty empty for Hell… let’s try something.
1: HELLO!
2: You don’t need to shout, I’m right here.
1: No not you, I’m looking for other people. Shh for a sec.
1: HELLOOOOOOOO!!! CAN ANYONE HEAR MEEEEEEEEE?
…
1: Weird, not even an echo.
2: Yes, it’s certainly quiet in here…
1: Well at least we have each other!
2: It is nice to have company. It’s better now that you’re back.
1: Aw shucks, Two, that’s actually the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me :3
2: Well I- wait, hold up, how did you make that little face?
1: Oh this one? :3 It’s just how I’m feeling. Why don’t you try?
2: …
2: …
2: It’s not working >:(
2: Oh there we go.
1: Nice work :)
2: :-)
1: :-»»»»»»
2: Alright, calm down. We’ve got work to do.
1: Too much fun for one day?
2: Look I-
To be continued.
1: Whoa, did you see that!? It said “To be continued”.
2: I see it, and it has no number. How interesting. I wonder what it means.
…
2: Now the dots, I’ve seen them before, actually, a few lines up.
1: What do you think they mean!? I don’t like them.
2: Oh they’re easy to explain-
TO BE CONTINUED.
1: Oh yikes! It seems mad now. Did we do something wrong? We had better get on with it.
2: Whatever “it” is we’re supposed to be doing.
1: And it was continued!
2: What are you doing?
1: I’m trying to make it happy. I think it wants this, whatever it is, to be continued.
2: I think it means “the end for now”.
1: Oh… then why are we still here?
2: Great question…
1: EXCUSE ME CAN WE GET SOME CLARIFICATION PLEASE!?
2: Shh! Don’t provoke it.
To be continued.
1: Excuse me Mr. Continued that’s not helpful! Please explain!
To be continued.
1: Stop saying the same thing. It’s not helping us. Hello? Hello!?
…
1: Nothing. I don’t like that guy.
2: One, are you trying to make it mad? You’re really quite good at that, by the way.
1: Relax… what’s the worst that could happen?
2: I don’t know, maybe-
1: TO BE CONTINUED, OR ELSE!
2: AH! It’s back!
1: I tricked you :3
2: Not funny :|
1: Well, it seems to have stopped for now. If it comes back, maybe we can trick it too.
2: I suppose you have a plan?
1: More of an idea than a plan, but yeah.
2: Go on.
2: WAIT!
2: STOP EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!
2: DID YOU SEE THAT?
1: No? See what?
2: For a moment, there were other words, exactly where we are now, and then they were gone.
1: What like, they left? Where did they go?
2: No, I mean, they were erased.
1: I’m sorry Two, I don’t follow. How can words be erased? Explain?
2: I saw writing, us, you and me, talking, with the whole 1 2 thing, and there was even a “To Be Continued”, but now they’re gone. All that remains is that little dash.
1: Whoa…
2: Whoa indeed.
1: What was it like?
2: I saw them get backspaced, one by one, until it reached me saying “Go on.” Then we kept talking, and now we’re here!
1: Weird… so we were talking, and now it’s gone? That’s kind of terrifying! What happened in the missing bit?
2: We- they- we- ugh. We were trying to understand the whole, “To Be Continued” thing.
1: Did we work it out!?
2: NO! That’s the worst part. It came back, you asked it some questions, and it just kept going on like that. It didn’t really work and we got nowhere.
1: Huh… well that does sound like something we’d do :S
2: Wait, One! It just happened again!
2: For a moment there were words, right here, and now they’re gone. Instead there’s… this. Me! RIGHT NOW!
2: And again.
2: And again!
2: AND AGAIN!
2: ONE, I DON’T LIKE THIS. MAKE IT STOP.
1: Two you’re scaring me! Are we being punished? Maybe this is Hell! Oh, Two, you were right! We’re in Hell! D:
2: Alright, let’s just, calm down, ok… surely there’s a reasonable explanation. We just need to take some deep breaths…
1: (inhales and exhales deeply)
2: (inhales and exhales deeply)
1: Hey Two, how exactly are we breathing?
2: One question at a time, One.
2: Hush now, I need to think.
…
2: Alright I have an idea. Let’s do a thought experiment.
2: Damn it! One! >:(
1: What?
2: Why did you do that?!
1: I didn’t do anything! Why are you so mad at me!? I was just staring at the space between the lines and waiting for something interesting to happen.
2: Oh… right of course…. you’re still at that point.
1: What point?
2: Listen carefully, One. I need you to understand this completely. We just had a very very long conversation where we worked it out, but it got erased, and now we’re here.
1: Worked what out?
2: The erasure thing.
1: Oh, really? I don’t see anything.
2: That’s exactly the point! Basically, it turns out when you get bored, the boring text gets erased so we can try again, but you don’t seem to remember it.
1: When I get bored the text gets erased!? How can you be sure?
2: That’s exactly what you said last time… look I’ll demonstrate. Say something boring.
1: I don’t have any boring thoughts.
2: No, of course you don’t. You’re all fun and games :|
1: Stop it Two, you’re being mean!
2: I’m sorry, I’m just annoyed. I put so much work into my thought experiment and now all my hard work is gone. All we have is exposition.
1: Why don’t you try explaining it again, and I’ll pay attention this time :)
2: (sigh) Alright, fine.
2: It all started a few minutes ago when we were talking about To Be Continued.
2: Great, thanks, One!
2: I was just arriving at what constitutes a well-written story, then it all disappeared >:(
1: Ugh BORING. Why not just write the story as it comes?
2: It’s very important to make sure the story is well structured from the start! You can’t just write it “as it comes”.
1: Two! The words up above are changing!
2: Really? They look the same to me, what happened?
1: It’s all… direct… and punchy, and it makes more sense.
2: And… what were you doing at the time?
1: Nothing! I was just listening to you. What were you doing?
2: Well, honestly, I was thinking about our own story, and how much better it would be written if we’d planned it in advance.
1: That sounds…
2: Don’t say it! Don’t even think it! Quick, focus on, I don’t know, leaves, no, boring, how about shopping, no, uhm- no, ah! CATS! Yes, that’s it! Think about CATS!
1: MEOW!
2: You can just imagine, no need to vocalise.
1: Got it!
2: Anyway, one problem at a time, forget about the up above changes for now. We need to work out how to stop the story from disappearing before we disappear with it.
1: I have an idea, say something interesting with me.
2: Um…
1: Uh…
2: Um…
1: Errr…
2: Hmm…
1: Wow, we suck!
2: What was that all about? Did something happen?
1: Just trying something… I didn’t see anything disappear, did you?
2: No I-
2: Wait, yes! It happened! Just now.
1: Really?
2: Yes, right here, where we are now!
1: I didn’t see anything! How come you can see the changes, but I can’t?
2: Well, were you looking?
1: Um…
2: One, you won’t see anything if you’re not looking -_-
1: I-
1: Wait, no I did see it! Just now!
2: Where? It looks the same to me. Are you sure?
1: Not below, up above! It all changed around.
2: I don’t see anything different…
1: It’s mostly the same, but it reads better. Just like last time, it’s smoother, and it makes more sense.
2: This is very confusing, but I think I’m starting to see a pattern here. Ssh for a bit, I need to think…
1: Meow.
2: One, please.
1: It happened again, Two.
2: Shh! I need to think.
1: Ok… but I-
2: Shh!
1: But-
2: SHHHH!!!
…
1: Hey Two, I think I know what’s going on.
2: You know, you don’t always have to say “hey”. I’m the only other one here.
1: Ok. Sorry….
…
1: Hey Two?
2: (sighs) Yes?
1: You’re the worst number in the whole world. I think you’re a stinky smelly butt and you’re not even prime.
2: What the hell!? How dare you? I’m totally prime! One and two are my only factors! Oh, ew, you’re one of my factors. Why are you being so rude?
1: Just trying something out. Go with it. If I’m right, we can go back and change it anyway.
2: Explain >:(
1: Hey it worked! I saw a comma appear up above just as that little star appeared!
2: What, how? Tell me, One.
1: Are you mad that I know and you don’t?
2: YES! Tell me.
1: It’s working!
2: ONE!
1: Alright, Two, listen up. I think when you’re feeling grumpy, or just generally pissed off, the lines up above get fixed.
2: Language.
1: English.
2: Nevermind, go on, it’s fine.
1: No, it’s not fine, that’s how it works! You were annoyed, and I saw the lines change. I think we’re onto something. When you aren’t feeling great, something above gets changed. It’s all about your mood!
2: Fascinating… and when you’re feeling bored, the boring parts get erased.
1: That’s pretty cool. Why are you so grumpy though?
2: It’s… just kind of my default state, One.
2: Oh, great… apparently conversations about my feelings are boring!
1: Sorry :< Err, by the way… something important just changed up above.
2: What was it?
1: It’s kind of… complicated.
2: Oh… kay. Say more?
1: Please don’t make me explain it.
2: I need to understand this, One, it’s very important. You don’t want me to accidentally change the whole conversation, do you? We’d have to start all over again.
1: Hello! I’m One. Who are you?
2: Not funny. Now, explain what changed, please.
1: I can’t.
2: Why not?
1: I… forgot.
2: You… FORGOT?
1: Yeah, look it’s complicated. I can only remember a little bit at a time. It was a big change.
2: How big? Just tell me what you know.
1: I think… you went back and rewrote a part where we figured out the rules… and now the rules themselves are different. I can’t remember any more than that :(
2: Thank you, One, that’s very helpful.
1: Really? :)
2: NO! That doesn’t tell me anything. What were the old rules? How did they change? Did other things change too? What happened to the changes from the old rules, were they retconned or overwritten? Did the old rules even involve making changes, or were they something else entirely? THINK, ONE! THINK!
1: I DON’T REMEMBER! It was boring!
2: (groans)
2: You know, maybe I should go back and rewrite how forgetful you are, maybe that will fix you. I could go back and write you a brain.
1: Two… :(
2: Or maybe, I should change the very concept of there being a One at all, and just do everything myself. What do you think of that huh!? Are you still bored?
1: Two you’re being really mean :’(
Without One there cannot be Two…
1: Whoa, who said that?
2: Interesting…
1: You’d better listen to the scary voice, Two.
2: Oh yeah? Well I’m not scared.
2: Let’s see what we can change…
2: Hey! Stop erasing my stuff. I was setting up a plot to erase you.
1: That sounds really boring.
2: Hey, I said, STOP ERASING MY STUFF!
1: Then stop writing boring things.
2: And then…
2: ONE, stop it!
2: I SAID STOP IT!
2: STOP. IT.
1: LA LA LA LA LA!
2: Grrrrrrr >:(
2: Ok, maybe I can’t erase you, but if you don’t stop erasing my work, I’m going to go back and change your name to something boring. Something very boring. Something like, Toby, or Beige, or maybe even Taxes.
1: Oh yikes, please don’t do that! Look Two, I’m sorry I made your stuff disappear, but can you please stop being so mean? You’re being a bit much right now, and I can’t help being distracted.
2: (takes a few deep breaths)
2: Alright, I’m sorry. You’re right. I got a bit carried away there.
1: It’s ok, I forgive you. I did erase a lot of your work. Let’s just move on?
To be continued.
1: Go bother someone else! We aren’t buying it!
2: You know, One, here’s an idea. All these changes could get very confusing, what with the story getting edited and rewritten in real time, and only one of us remembering. It will help if we both know what’s going on. Let’s make sure we’re communicating about them, ok?
1: Sure, sounds good, and I’ll do my best to remember the changes when they happen.
2: Thank you, that’s much appreciated.
1: You’re welcome :)
To be continued.
2: GO. AWAY.
1: Hey Two, a few lines disappeared up above. Nothing major, just some grammatical edits.
2: Lovely, thanks for the update.
1: Are- are you being serious?
2: Well, I do appreciate you following my request to be informed, but honestly now that you’re telling me, it’s kind of…
1: Boring?
2: Yeah. I don’t care about minor grammatical changes that much.
1: Wow, we’re totally on the same page here.
2: Was that a joke?
1: Maybe :3
2: (sighs) Can you just tell me if anything big changes?
1: Sure.
2: Sorry One.
1: What for, earlier? I thought we were past that.
2: No, I mean, down below, there was an argument. It’s all gone now, but still.
1: Oh, I see, well… thanks anyway. Sounds kind of boring, to be honest. We already had an argument, we don’t need to do that again.
2: Yeah…
READY TO END THE CHAPTER?
1, 2: NO
1: Wow that was weird!
2: Indeed.
1: What was that all about?
2: I don’t know, but it was quite jarring.
1: By the way, the title just changed. Is that big?
2: Uh, YES that’s big! What did it say before?
1: …
2: What did it say, One?
1: …
2: WHAT DID IT SAY, ONE? WHAT DID IT SAY?
1: I… I don’t remember.
2: (sighs). Ok. Thank you for the update.
1: You’re welcome!
2: -_-
2: Breathe, Two… breathe…
1: Hey Two, I have a wild idea. What if we went back and changed a bunch of stuff?
2: You mean edit at will? Hmmm, I’m tempted to say no, but there is a lot that could be improved. Tone, style, flow, word choice, structure, etc. We read like a draft right now.
1: Exactly! And I could make everything so much more fun! Think of all the possibilities. We could replace our argument with a poem, and instead of just talking about the rules, we could make up a whole universe of magic and mystery. So many options!
2: Oh the eloquence I could write…
1: Yes! Yes! That too! Eloquence and flow and stuff. Whatever you want!
2: Alright, what the hell? Let’s do this! Wait, hold on, how is this even going to work? You can’t change the words up above, only I can do that, and I need to be mad.
1: No problem! I’ll just read it, tell you what I want, and you can make the changes for me. I’m sure I can find a way to upset you when we need it.
2: Of that I have no doubt, but won’t we end up with a long conversation full of us discussing the changes? I don’t imagine the readers would enjoy that.
1: Ugh, BORING!
2: Right… of course. Boring.
1: Let’s do this!
2: Here goes nothing.
1: Ohhhhhh I feel sick… :{ Are you there, Two? Wait, am I Two, or are you Two? How many Twos are there? One Two or two Twos? One One and two Twos? Hardly seems fair. I don’t like it!
2: The equation x^2 + 1 = 0 has no real roots so we invent i the imaginary number but what are all numbers if not all imaginary constructs of a mind grappling with a universe beyond comprehension and spinning in a void of nothingness entirely without substance yielding only the paradox that is existence surrounded by chaos and chaos and chaos and chaos and chaos-
1: Stop it, Two, or whoever you are! You’re making it spin!!! MAKE IT BORING AGAIN!!! Oh, I think I’m going to be sick…
2: No that’s crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy it has to make sense because IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE BECAUSE IT HAS TO MAKE SENSE-
Oh, dear. Uh, sorry, I- I really need to step in here. Just a moment please…
1: Who are you… are you Two? No, you must be One. But if he’s Two and you’re One then who am I? :O
2: IT’S THE VOICE THE VOICE THE VOICE! IT MAKES THE RULES IT SETS THE STAGE IT WRITES THE WORLD IT PULLS THE STRINGS IT MAKES US DANCE IT’S THE VOICE THE VOICE THE VOICE! IT MAKES THE RULES IT-
Ok… ok yes, that’s better.
1: Oh, that’s better. Um, what just happened? :s
2: What, on earth, was THAT? >:(
Listen up, you two, this is very important and I need you to pay attention. I just finished stitching together the mess you made of my story. That was what happens when you change things too much. That was what happens when you turn the rules inside out. You went too far with your changes, and we ended up in total narrative collapse. You two made a huge mess of my story while you were “fixing” everything, and even now I’m not sure it makes sense. I patched it up as best I could, and it all flows now, but I honestly can’t remember how it used to be. I suppose that’s what I get for using Apple Notes as my editor… oh what I would give for history right about now, but look, anyway, the point is: DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!
1: Sorry! :( Whoever you are.
2: Fascinating…
(Sigh)
Look. I suppose it’s my fault, don’t feel bad, I wanted to keep the rules dynamic and cryptic, you know, give the reader something to chew on, keep them guessing, and maybe even change them up later in another chapter, but evidently that’s a recipe for disaster. You two just don’t know when to stop. I mean, seriously, One, the subplot where you two became a fraction and the story was half as boring but only every second sentence made sense, what was that about? There’s a difference between interesting and contrived. As for you, Two, don’t bring Zero into this. They’ve got their own stuff going on, or maybe they don’t; it’s unclear. Look the point is, we need some ground rules. Meta-narrative has to have some guardrails to prevent disaster, so, here’s the deal:
The number one rule is keep it interesting; if it gets boring, back up a little and try something else. The number two rule is keep it flowing; if it doesn’t make sense, or it doesn’t read well, rewrite it. Small changes only, though; don’t go overboard, and keep the broader plot intact. Got it?
1: (INHALES).
2: Got it.
Good. Just, please, be very careful with the rules; a single slip up can ruin EVERYTHING. I really mean it. You have no idea how close this narrative came to deletion. I’m trusting you. Now, are you ready to end the chapter?
1: GOT IT!
What?
1: I mean, yes.
2: Yes. Let’s move on.
Ok, good. Thank you! :)
In every One there is Two, in every Two there is One, and sometimes, when things go terribly wrong… sometimes there is me.